One of the greatest acts of service we can do is to love ourselves a little more each day. This one act will change the world. It will bring enlightenment to our door. To love ourselves unreservedly may be the hardest project we ever embark on, but it is one that will make the biggest difference. For while there is self-blame and self-judgement, there is blame and judgement of others. While we are hurt on the inside, we project hurt on the outside. When we do not love ourselves, we seek love out in the world, making us needy, craving validation and the good opinion of others. This is what blocks our ability to love unconditionally.
So how do we embark on the journey of true self-love? By going within, meditating and connecting with our own sacred nature. When we do this all our labels and judgements drop away and there is just pure presence – the knower behind the thinker, the Source that emanates throughout all forms in the universe. Regularly experiencing this kind of present moment awareness helps us to de-stress, defragging our brain like a computer and releasing our daily baggage so that we have the bandwidth to heal those deeply ingrained wounds that have been patiently waiting for our loving care and attention.
To cultivate self-love, we also need to stop striving for perfection and give ourselves permission to be perfectly imperfect. When we realise that we are all fabulously flawed human beings, divinely designed to be just so, we can feel empowered by all the parts of ourselves that we once considered flawed. We can love all our wonky bits, for they are what make us so endearingly human and relatable. Despite the wonkiness of life, we are all flawless, radiant, exquisite beyond compare.
Falling in love with ourselves is the secret to falling in love with life. And of course, loving ourselves is how we invite others to love us too. This is not selfish - we cannot truly love another until we feel love for our own skin. So let us shower ourselves with compassion and kindness. As the Buddha said,
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserves your love and affection.”
Exercises in self-love
Here are three golden tips to feel love, loved and loveable.
Stand in front of the mirror and say out loud “I am divine.” Do you squirm or smile? This is a litmus test of where you are on your journey of self-love. Do this each day until every time you see your reflection you are beaming from ear to ear.
When what you have been taught to call ‘imperfect’ arises in you, witness the pain you cause yourself when you judge it, when you dislike your imperfections. Feel how it feels in your body. With radical compassion give yourself permission to lean into all that you feel, and simply observe. Sit with it, meditate, notice it all. Catch yourself in the act of labelling yourself as good or bad, right or wrong, and just allow it to be. Transmute the pain of that judgement with the light of your consciousness. Remember that every time you become aware of this kind of internal monologue, you weaken the ego a little more. The trick is not to go down the rabbit hole of further judging yourself as you catch yourself in the act of negative self-speak.
Think of the yin-yang symbol, and find the perfection in your imperfections. Notice that ugliness can be beautiful if it enables you to see beyond appearances. See your mistakes as simply ‘mis-takes’ that help you learn and evolve your soul. Find the value in everything, the gold in every experience, good or bad.
These little exercises are the secret to a happy heart. When we stop judging our flaws and treat ourselves with kindness and care, eventually all feelings of being unworthy, unloved or unlovable, dissolve away. This is when we realise that our true essence is love itself, and we are free to love the world unconditionally, as perfectly imperfect reflections of ourselves.
As Rumi says:
“You are the truth from foot to brow. Now what else would you like to know?”
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